Working with people who are different than you can be stressful but it doesn’t have to be. It may be hard for many of us to admit, especially with all the conversation about diversity, equity and inclusion. Denying being uncomfortable won’t make you more comfortable.

If you’ve ever experienced “Diversity Stress,” and want stop it, keep reading.

I’ve spoken with thousands of people around the world about diversity and inclusion and how we can all benefit.

 People often confide in me and say “It’s stressful working with people who are so different than me. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending someone.” “I don’t want to be yelled at or attacked if I make a mistake.” “I’m just not comfortable with people who are so different than me.” “I think some of my co-workers avoid me because they don’t know what to say. They don’t even acknowledge me.

The truth is when these unspoken fears and tensions are not addressed it results in people verbally supporting diversity and inclusion but in practice they staying in their comfort zone with people who are just “like them.”

The more stressed out we are, and the less we interact in meaningful ways with people who are different, the more we consciously and unconsciously rely on preconceived ideas about who other people are.

We think it makes the world easier to navigate when in fact those assumptions cause us to act in ways that impede  collaboration.

Start using these tools today:

1-Take 3 slow deep breaths when you think a situation or interaction may be uncomfortable.

You’ll feel and appear more calm and confident and be more present. Other people will find it easier to interact with you. That extra second of breath will also make it less likely you’ll act on a wrong assumption.

2- Send a new message to yourself. Use this self-talk, “It’s normal to feel uncomfortable around people I don’t know or know little about. They may feel the same way. I never know what I’ll learn.”

3- Get outside your own head. Visualize yourself interacting with one person at a time, and feeling relaxed, calm and comfortable. Most people think of themselves as individuals, but think of other individuals as a whole group which contributes to diversity anxiety and discomfort. Change the internal picture and see yourself being calm, relaxed and comfortable.

This is a process so let’s continue the conversation.  What tools have  you used to work effectively and develop relationships with people who are different?