I heard an LGBT activist on television infer that the Democrats who supported gay marriage were more “pure,” than Republicans who support gay marriage.  He said that Democrats were more sincere because the only reason previous anti-gay Republicans like Sen. Rob Portman supported gay marriage was because they found out they had kids who were LGBT or had friends that were LGBT.

To this activist that wasn’t a good enough reason. The Republicans were not being “Straight ally correct”

I strongly disagree. Who better to champion same gender marriage than those who have been directly affected?  Who better than those who have a direct investment in the happiness of those they love?

If just having an LGBT child or family member was enough to make someone support full equality for LGBT people, there would be less LGBT suicides, and people wouldn’t be ostracized from their bigoted families.

There are others who have shunned their LGBT children when they come out.  Support for LGBT family members is not automatic.

Having been in the  LGBT community for more than a  few years and having talked to many previous homophobic but who are now LGBT supporters, I can say with authority that the biggest reason that people change on issues of homophobia, racism,  ethnocentrism and religious bigotry is because they get to know people, and have meaningful relationships with people from those  other groups.

They can no longer dehumanize and hate others because it is a glaring contradiction to their person experience.

It’s been the LGBT dilemma for a long time, “do I come out and risk my job,  the safety of my family, and rejections or do I take a chance being out where I have a better chance of changing other people’s hearts and minds and ultimately create a better life for myself and those I love?”

CNN recently published my personal story about the death of my partner, and the fact that when she died my son and I had no natural legal rights because gay marriage wasn’t legal.

More than a few thousand people read the article and wrote me talking about the profound  impact my story had on them

“I wasn’t sure about gay marriage but after reading your story, I’m a supporter.”

“If I had any doubts before about gay marriage, reading your story and knowing you and your son has dispelled any doubts.”

And “ I love you, I didn’t know what same-sex couples went through what can I do to help?”

With gay pride month, and gay marriage on the supreme court horizon, we need support, we need people to know us and we need to come out. Because once the law is passed we need to still be safe, and be able to live our lives in full equality

As Macklemore says in his song “Same Love,”

And I want to add; sometimes we have to help people change.